Weddings
What are the goals of a Secular Humanistic Jewish wedding ceremony?
| Our goal is to help the couple celebrate and understand their love within an equal partnership that stresses friendship, honesty, loyalty and individual growth. As the marriage ties them together we help them bring all of their important traditions to the ceremony (although Secular Humanistic clergy will not represent traditions that are not secular and humanistic, we will help the couple find a way for these traditions to be expressed). We seek to help them evaluate the meanings of traditions and symbols and to find new words or new forms that retain those customs that are important to them by reinterpreting the customs in a way that is consistent with the couple's shared beliefs. |
What is the role of tradition in a Secular Humanistic Jewish wedding ceremony?
| Our clergy will help a couple understand the richness of Jewish and civil wedding traditions, so that they may choose those which best meet their needs. In the case of an intermarriage ceremony the officiant can also help the couple adapt other traditions into their ceremony. However, as our clergy are committed to a Secular and Humanistic form of Judaism, they will not use worshipful or prayer-like language or invoke the name of any deity or supernatural force in the ceremony. |
What are the challenges and benefits of co-officiation at an intermarriage ceremony?
| The benefit is revealed by the alternative. To refuse to participate in a co-officiated ceremony would be to deny one member of the couple the opportunity to include their own traditions in the ceremony. Once choosing to co-officiate, the celebrant has responsibility to see that the joint ceremony is acceptable to both traditions. The situation may differ depending on whether the other religious tradition is faith-based or simply stands for an ethnicity. In either case, the Secular Humanistic co-officiant will probably be required to take a leadership position in finding a way for the other officiant to express what is important in that tradition without passing the boundaries of the Jewish or Secular Humanistic Jewish member of the couple. As above, the Secular Humanistic officiant would not say or directly participate in anything that violated Secular Humanistic beliefs. Given the character of our beliefs it is unlikely that our blessings or readings would be offensive to anyone else (although one never knows) but there is some possibility, depending on the co-officiant, that things might be included that would make the couple uncomfortable, either for themselves or for members of the audience. The successful history of co-officiated services shows that these problems can always be avoided without unacceptable limits to the other tradition, but education of the couple, to enable them to express their desires clearly to the other officiant, will be necessary. |
How do we respond to concerns about Intermarriage, and what is the Secular Humanistic Jewish position on that issue?
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The LCSHJ has an official position on Intermarriage. The following may help illuminate our thinking.
The 1990 study of Jewish life indicated that 52% of Jews were intermarried, and that of those only 25% of the children "were" Jewish. Everyone is concerned about these numbers. We believe that intermarriage is an inevitable result of the freedoms of our society, and that those interested in continuation of Jewish traditions must accept this. Therefore, by offering a welcome to intermarriages we believe that we are providing a way for the Jewish member of the couple to remain connected to Judaism. If we can set a model for other branches to follow in accepting intermarriage ceremonies as necessary for the survival of the Jewish people, perhaps Jews really will survive as Jews. We also, of course, in performing these ceremonies, hope that our own beliefs and practices will prove attractive to the couple. However, neither the growth of our own membership nor the survival of the Jewish people is the root of our official support for the right of individuals to marry non-Jewish partners. We believe in the freedom of each individual and hence of each couple to make their own choices, and marriage (including same-sex union) is one of the most important of the choices that an individual ever makes. In our society, the freedom to make this choice is limited by the availability of a legally sanctioned officiant willing to participate in the required administrative rituals, and for same-sex couples the ability to enter into a freely chosen union in a meaningful way is limited by the availability of an officiant. It is our positive responsibility as Secular Humanistic Jewish clergy to support couples in their choice of partner and of ceremony, so long as we can do so consistently with our own principles. |
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